I don't know about you, but I am not perfect! In fact, far from it. But I like to think about what that means. What is perfection anyway? It is defined by our beliefs. Your idea of perfection might be quite different from mine. So, perfection is a cluster of your beliefs about what you and others "should be" or how your life "should be," or even your beliefs about "what your life is like" or "your car/house/kids/etc is/are like," and whether any of those things are good or bad. These clusters of beliefs form our perspective on life - who our friends are - how we interact with them - and most importantly, how much joy we experience in our lives. Unexamined beliefs about what we and others "should be" can keep us prisoners to our minds, because we are constantly comparing, assessing and making decisions based on these clusters of beliefs, and affirm a lonely sort of separateness from others. We often miss new experiences, opportunities, a deeper understanding of a situation, or our role in it, when we are trapped in those habituated mind patterns caused by judgement. We miss the moment, and miss experiencing our very beingness. When we are in the habit of judging from a place of emotion and comparing the people and things in our lives, we live in a constant state of anxiety, fear and general unhappiness. We never arrive at the place we think we need to be - kind of like trying to fill a glass with holes in it - we can pour all day, but the water never stays in it very long. The habit of judging ourselves and others unconsciously, also makes us feel separate and detached from others, by always looking for ways that differentiate us from others, as being "better than" in some way, or "not being as good as" in other ways. These unconscious judgements often leave us feeling very emotional - either "good" because we feel "better than" or "bad" if we feel "less than." A clear example is when we feel a sort of "thrill" about hearing how "bad" someone behaved, how we got into a certain school or program and someone else did not, or how so-and-so lost their job or had some other negative thing happen to them. Unexamined, it somehow makes us feel "better than" since that is not happening in our lives - or we beat them in some way (separateness)! It is somewhat like when we read gossip magazines, and read about all these terrible and largely exaggerated things that happen to famous people - "well they are beautiful and famous, but they are sure messed up!" we think (better than). Believe it or not these thoughts and experiences are negative habits that we can learn how to break. Habits that once we break, allow us to feel a deep joy for life, and most importantly, "compassion" for ourselves and others - even when they, or we, seem to create some of our own misfortunes.
Exercise: So how do we get out of the habit of judgement? Learning how to "observe" the clusters of beliefs and the mind patterns generated by them, is the first step to getting out of the habit of judgement. Think of a time when you were judging someone or something (including yourself) - pay attention to that voice in your head using words like, "I (or that person) should...work out more....eat less....call that person...dress better...etc." about socially acceptable ideas, looks, words. Journal about what was going on in your mind. Did thinking about another person's perceived "failure" make you feel superior or better than them? How long did that feeling last? Looking honestly at it now, how do you feel? After you have journaled about this, reexamine the situation - this time, reverse the roles. If you chose an example of yourself getting a job over someone else, or getting into a school, and they did not, or you losing more weight than they did, (you get the idea), reverse the roles. Imagine you are them - really feel what it would be like to be them with regard to that issue. How does it feel? Journal about that. Feel compassion for your situation as that person, really feel it deeply. Now feel grateful for whatever happened to you in that situation. What does that feel like?
Exercise: So how do we get out of the habit of judgement? Learning how to "observe" the clusters of beliefs and the mind patterns generated by them, is the first step to getting out of the habit of judgement. Think of a time when you were judging someone or something (including yourself) - pay attention to that voice in your head using words like, "I (or that person) should...work out more....eat less....call that person...dress better...etc." about socially acceptable ideas, looks, words. Journal about what was going on in your mind. Did thinking about another person's perceived "failure" make you feel superior or better than them? How long did that feeling last? Looking honestly at it now, how do you feel? After you have journaled about this, reexamine the situation - this time, reverse the roles. If you chose an example of yourself getting a job over someone else, or getting into a school, and they did not, or you losing more weight than they did, (you get the idea), reverse the roles. Imagine you are them - really feel what it would be like to be them with regard to that issue. How does it feel? Journal about that. Feel compassion for your situation as that person, really feel it deeply. Now feel grateful for whatever happened to you in that situation. What does that feel like?
RSS Feed