Spiritual practice is about living life consciously - and can be distilled down to these basic words: "Good Thoughts, Good Words and Good Deeds." Good thoughts, are those thoughts that open our hearts and make us feel at peace - not that nagging self-talk or voice in our heads that can tell us how "stupid" we are or how we did not do things right. These thoughts that generate the negative inner self-talk or dialogue cause strong negative emotions in our bodies that leave us in a constant state of anxiety, fear and or anger - kind of like an undertow of intense emotions about not living up to a perceived social "ideal," or our own expectations about how things "should" be. These thoughts thus can cause us to be generally more reactive, and less compassionate and forgiving of ourselves and others. So, if we can become consciously aware of our inner self talk or dialogue - good and bad - we can become more conscious of the emotions they create in our physical forms - and observe them without judgment. If we engage in the regular practice of being more conscious of our thoughts, and emotions - and just notice them - without trying to "stop" them, we will begin to understand and consciously "feel" how our thoughts effect our emotions and physical reactions. We will notice whether a thought of "you are so stupid" hits us in our throat, neck, chest, abdomen, etc. With regular practice, we will begin to have more compassion for ourselves, and negative thought patterns will diminish. So, in turn we will begin to have more compassion for others. We become less reactive to situations that come up in our lives. All of this from becoming more conscious of our thoughts - with an intention to have "good thoughts." But it takes perseverance and patience. As we become more present in our lives, we begin to see things more how they really are - not how our biased preconceptions think they are. Our whole perspective changes, and our thoughts become generally more peaceful, compassionate and loving.
When we feel we have been "wronged" somehow, STAYING CONSCIOUS HELPS US TO KEEP OUR ENERGY HIGH AND NOT LOWER OURSELVES TO THE LEVEL OF UNCONSCIOUSNESS THE OTHER MAY BE ENGAGING IN! Often when we feel wronged our initial feelings are to lash out at them, but that does not feel good, and only lowers us to the level of that person. Staying conscious allows us to respond to a situation in an intelligent way instead of reacting to it out of emotion.
Words are very powerful. If we tell another person something bad about someone they never met, and then they meet that person, the words we told them, will create an impression or bias against that person that must be overcome. Imagine if that meeting was for a job interview - because of the words we said, that person may not get the job. Think about how many times we have a bad impression about someone that emerges out of a somewhat "silly" interaction if we examine it later - or out of words that someone told us about them that may or may not be "true"- then we later interact in a more positive situation and become good friends. The not so good words, were very harmful. The process to having "good thoughts" above, leads to us saying good words. Instead of criticizing someone who has perhaps made some choices, that cause disruption in the lives of themselves and others, we might feel more compassionate because we know that they are simply living life in a less "conscious" way. They are not examining their own thoughts and emotions, and instead are reacting to whatever their preconceived notions of themselves are. I see this often in divorces - both seemingly "decent" people, who must make the other person an enemy in order to justify their position of hatred or anger, that lets them blame the other party for their separation. I remind people, that they played a role in their relationship coming to the place it did, and it is a good idea to become more conscious of what they are thinking about, and how it is affecting them physically - and therefore emotionally. It is their own thoughts causing the despair, hatred or anger they feel. Not the other person. These same principals apply to what we can call "petty gossip" - and we know when we are doing that. So being more conscious of our thoughts leads to us becoming more conscious of our words. Be conscious of the words you speak, they carry tremendous power, and reflect back at you and others with intense emotion. If we are conscious of our words, and say only good words except when absolutely necessary - like to protect or prevent a harm - we feel better ourselves, our emotions are more peaceful and compassionate.
Having good thoughts and saying good words, frees us up to feel compassion toward others, and allows us to engage in good deeds. My mother used to tell me when I was quite young, that stealing causes us harm. She is right - it does come back and hurt us in our global perception of self. But on the other side, doing good deeds, opens our hearts and lifts our spirits. Sometimes when I am in a bad mood from the day, or just feeling "blah" I remain conscious of these feelings and thoughts - and if I have an opportunity to complement someone in a real way, and I do it, I immediately feel better. Everyone's "problems" are important to them. When we visit with others who explain a problem that may seem "petty" to us given what "we are going through" speaking through the ego - it is important to remain conscious and observe our reactions - because it opens up that compassionate side of us that helps us feel joyful.
It can help to think about life experiences as opportunities to learn - that is what we are here to do! Discovering that someone lied to us, or is continuously lying to us or cheating on or stealing from us can really put this idea to the test. After getting over the initial shock, the first question we should ask is why? What is/was the motivation there? We may not get the answer to that question right away - but most of the time fear is involved. If it is something such as lying about money or cheating in a relationship - we have to dig very deep to find forgiveness and compassion. By no means am I suggesting that you "stick around" to in order to develop or find the compassion for that person in those situations. But journaling about the facts in the circumstances, the emotions we feel/felt, and what it was that made that relationship/friendship seem important to us, can really help us through the grief process, and move on in a healthy way (of course seeing a therapist in addition to this is helpful too)! If you find yourself asking "how someone could do this to me" or "how did this happen to me" - it is important to examine the facts with as little emotion as possible, so we "get" the life lesson. We can more easily do this by staying conscious and not letting our minds run off in the endless circles. Once we are able to understand what the lessons are, we will not need to attract similar circumstances into our lives again. We can check that off of our LIST of things to learn here!
Exercise: We can practice by picking a situation that is not as extreme as cheating, lying or stealing money - pick something that has less of an emotional impact - like perhaps not getting invited to an event, or someone commenting that you've put on a little weight (when that would feel bad to you). If you are going through something more traumatic, like a divorce, separation, or are in a bad relationship, I highly recommend seeing a good therapist, but you can use this method in addition to doing so.
When someone "wrongs" us our initial inclination is to lash out somehow. We want them to "hurt" like us. DON'T do this!!!! This is when you can pick up your journal and write down what happened from your perspective, and then you can write down all the things that you'd want to do to "lash out" without actually doing them. We can call a good friend or friends to talk it through - then we can stop and feel the emotions that arise in our bodies from the facts. Once we isolate where the emotion is in our body, we can focus our conscious attention there. Stay with it, because the location where we feel the idea of being "wronged" may move, or expand. Keep focusing on it consciously. Each time we do this, the feeling(s) in our body will start to dissipate and break up. The emotion of being wronged will loosen and we can accept the loss - the grief of it. We will begin to feel the compassion for ourselves and for the one who "wronged" us, allowing us to learn the life lesson. Depending on how big the situation was - will dictate how long this process takes. You may find you need to do this exercise several times a day for weeks, or one day might do the trick.
As new ideas about what the lessons were occur to you, write them in your journal. Remember this is a process that will take as much time as needed to process the emotions. You are not alone!
When we feel we have been "wronged" somehow, STAYING CONSCIOUS HELPS US TO KEEP OUR ENERGY HIGH AND NOT LOWER OURSELVES TO THE LEVEL OF UNCONSCIOUSNESS THE OTHER MAY BE ENGAGING IN! Often when we feel wronged our initial feelings are to lash out at them, but that does not feel good, and only lowers us to the level of that person. Staying conscious allows us to respond to a situation in an intelligent way instead of reacting to it out of emotion.
Words are very powerful. If we tell another person something bad about someone they never met, and then they meet that person, the words we told them, will create an impression or bias against that person that must be overcome. Imagine if that meeting was for a job interview - because of the words we said, that person may not get the job. Think about how many times we have a bad impression about someone that emerges out of a somewhat "silly" interaction if we examine it later - or out of words that someone told us about them that may or may not be "true"- then we later interact in a more positive situation and become good friends. The not so good words, were very harmful. The process to having "good thoughts" above, leads to us saying good words. Instead of criticizing someone who has perhaps made some choices, that cause disruption in the lives of themselves and others, we might feel more compassionate because we know that they are simply living life in a less "conscious" way. They are not examining their own thoughts and emotions, and instead are reacting to whatever their preconceived notions of themselves are. I see this often in divorces - both seemingly "decent" people, who must make the other person an enemy in order to justify their position of hatred or anger, that lets them blame the other party for their separation. I remind people, that they played a role in their relationship coming to the place it did, and it is a good idea to become more conscious of what they are thinking about, and how it is affecting them physically - and therefore emotionally. It is their own thoughts causing the despair, hatred or anger they feel. Not the other person. These same principals apply to what we can call "petty gossip" - and we know when we are doing that. So being more conscious of our thoughts leads to us becoming more conscious of our words. Be conscious of the words you speak, they carry tremendous power, and reflect back at you and others with intense emotion. If we are conscious of our words, and say only good words except when absolutely necessary - like to protect or prevent a harm - we feel better ourselves, our emotions are more peaceful and compassionate.
Having good thoughts and saying good words, frees us up to feel compassion toward others, and allows us to engage in good deeds. My mother used to tell me when I was quite young, that stealing causes us harm. She is right - it does come back and hurt us in our global perception of self. But on the other side, doing good deeds, opens our hearts and lifts our spirits. Sometimes when I am in a bad mood from the day, or just feeling "blah" I remain conscious of these feelings and thoughts - and if I have an opportunity to complement someone in a real way, and I do it, I immediately feel better. Everyone's "problems" are important to them. When we visit with others who explain a problem that may seem "petty" to us given what "we are going through" speaking through the ego - it is important to remain conscious and observe our reactions - because it opens up that compassionate side of us that helps us feel joyful.
It can help to think about life experiences as opportunities to learn - that is what we are here to do! Discovering that someone lied to us, or is continuously lying to us or cheating on or stealing from us can really put this idea to the test. After getting over the initial shock, the first question we should ask is why? What is/was the motivation there? We may not get the answer to that question right away - but most of the time fear is involved. If it is something such as lying about money or cheating in a relationship - we have to dig very deep to find forgiveness and compassion. By no means am I suggesting that you "stick around" to in order to develop or find the compassion for that person in those situations. But journaling about the facts in the circumstances, the emotions we feel/felt, and what it was that made that relationship/friendship seem important to us, can really help us through the grief process, and move on in a healthy way (of course seeing a therapist in addition to this is helpful too)! If you find yourself asking "how someone could do this to me" or "how did this happen to me" - it is important to examine the facts with as little emotion as possible, so we "get" the life lesson. We can more easily do this by staying conscious and not letting our minds run off in the endless circles. Once we are able to understand what the lessons are, we will not need to attract similar circumstances into our lives again. We can check that off of our LIST of things to learn here!
Exercise: We can practice by picking a situation that is not as extreme as cheating, lying or stealing money - pick something that has less of an emotional impact - like perhaps not getting invited to an event, or someone commenting that you've put on a little weight (when that would feel bad to you). If you are going through something more traumatic, like a divorce, separation, or are in a bad relationship, I highly recommend seeing a good therapist, but you can use this method in addition to doing so.
When someone "wrongs" us our initial inclination is to lash out somehow. We want them to "hurt" like us. DON'T do this!!!! This is when you can pick up your journal and write down what happened from your perspective, and then you can write down all the things that you'd want to do to "lash out" without actually doing them. We can call a good friend or friends to talk it through - then we can stop and feel the emotions that arise in our bodies from the facts. Once we isolate where the emotion is in our body, we can focus our conscious attention there. Stay with it, because the location where we feel the idea of being "wronged" may move, or expand. Keep focusing on it consciously. Each time we do this, the feeling(s) in our body will start to dissipate and break up. The emotion of being wronged will loosen and we can accept the loss - the grief of it. We will begin to feel the compassion for ourselves and for the one who "wronged" us, allowing us to learn the life lesson. Depending on how big the situation was - will dictate how long this process takes. You may find you need to do this exercise several times a day for weeks, or one day might do the trick.
As new ideas about what the lessons were occur to you, write them in your journal. Remember this is a process that will take as much time as needed to process the emotions. You are not alone!
RSS Feed